Jessica Parmalee (1966

I created this website to honor my mother, Jessica Marie Parmalee, born on November 10th, 1966 in Nevada and died on April 5th, 2004 in South Carolina at the age of 37. My mother was an amazing person and continues to be an inspiration in my life. She was beautiful, intelligent, strong, funny and so many more wonderful things. She was also an alcoholic and unfortunately that is the reason she is not here.

Watching her manage to fight her addiction for three years and stay sober was one of the best examples of courage and determination that I have. She was not only my mother but she was also my best friend. When she passed away I felt lost and suddenly there was an emptiness in my heart and my life that would never be completely filled.

I want this site to not only celebrate her life but to serve as a place where she can be remembered not only for myself and my family but for future generations as well.

Please don't mourn for me I'm still here,
though you don't see I'm right by your
side each night and day
And within your heart I long to stay
My body is gone but I'm always near
I'm everything you feel, see or hear
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
As long as you keep me alive in your heart
I'll never wander out of your sight
I'm the brightest star on a summer night
I'll never be beyond your reach
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach
I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around
And the pure white snow that blankets the ground
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond
The clear cool water in a quiet pond
I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in spring
The first warm raindrop that April will bring
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine
And you'll see that the face in the moon is mine
When you start thinking there's no one to love you
You can talk to me through the Lord above you
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees
And you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze
I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face
Just look for me, I'm everyplace...

A million times we've needed you
A million times we have cried,
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly
In death we love you still,
For in our hearts you hold A place
no-one could ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
But you did not go alone,
For a part of us went with you
The day God took you home.

~~Author Unknown~~

I never cried so many tears till I saw you lying there
Tonight you will spend it in Heaven above
The smile on your face shows the peace in your heart
Won’t you please save me a seat beside you?

I don’t care if the seat is old or it’s new
Some slats on the back may be missing 1 or 2
The legs may wobble, the seat may be warped
I don’t care as long as I’m next to you

We knew the day would come to say our goodbyes
But, I did not think it would be so soon
The family, they help me when I feel so down
But Mom , they can’t hold me like you do

I prayed to go, to ease the hurt and pain
But the answer I got was, Ok someday
Until the day comes to go beyond the blue
Will you please save me a seat next to you?

A LETTER TO MY FAMILY
To my dearest family, some things id like to say,
first of all to let you know, i arrived here okay.
I'm writing this from heaven, here I dwell with God above,
Here there's no more tears of sadness,
here is just eternal love
Please do not be unhappy, just because I'm out of sight
Remember that I am with you morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you,
when my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me, he said 'I welcome you'
'Its good to have you back again,
you were missed while you were gone
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on'
'I need you here so badly, you are apart of my plan
there is so much we can do, to help our mortel man'
God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night,
the days chores put to flight
God and I are close to you... in the middle of the night
When you think of my life on earth,
and all of those loving years
Because you are only human,
they are bound to bring you tears.
Do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers,
unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you,all what God had planned
If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain,
though my life on earth is through
More then ever before, I'm so much closer to you
There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
But together we can do it, by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too
That as you give into the world, the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody, who is in sorrow and pain
Then you can say to God at night....'My day was not in vain'
And now I am contented... that my life was worthwhile
Knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low
Just lend a hand to pick them up, as on your way you go
When you're walking down the street
and you've got me on your mind
I'm walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
And when its time for you to go....
from that body to be free
Remember you are not going.....
You're coming here to me.
Until we are together again
love and miss you
MOM

before i was myself, u made me, me
by:Dimitri Shostakovich

Before I was myself you made me, me
With love and patience, discipline and tears,
Then bit by bit stepped back to set me free,
Allowing me to sail upon my sea,
Though well within the headlands of your fears.
Before I was myself you made me, me

With dreams enough of what I was to be
And hopes that would be sculpted by the years,
Then bit by bit stepped back to set me free,

Relinquishing your powers gradually
To let me shape myself among my peers.
Before I was myself you made me, me,

And being good and wise, you gracefully
As dancers when the last sweet cadence nears
Bit by bit stepped back to set me free.

For love inspires learning naturally:
The mind assents to what the heart reveres.
And so it was through love you made me, me
By slowly stepping back to set me free.

TheCord

We are connected, my mother and I,
by an invisible cord not seen by the eye.
It’s not like the cord that connects us at birth,
this cord can’t be seen by any on earth.
This cord does its work right from the start,
it binds us together, attached by the heart.
I know that it’s there, though no one can see
this invisible cord, from my mother to me.
The strength of this cord,
it’s hard to describe,
it can’t be destroyed, it can’t be denied.
It’s stronger than any cord man could create;
it withstands the test, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone and you’re not here with me,
the cord is still there though no one can see.
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised, I am sore,
but this cord is my lifeline as never before.
I’m thankful that God connects us this way,
a Mother and Child.... Death can't take it away.
Author Unknown

The deep pain that is felt at the
death of every friendly soul arises
from the feeling that there is in every
individual something which is inexpressible,
peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore,
absolutely and irretrievably lost.
~Arthur Schopenhauer

It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave'
very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then
someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window,
or one notices that a flower that was in bud only
yesterday has suddenly blossomed,
or a letter slips from a drawer
... and everything collapses.
~Colette

I thought of you with love today,
but that is nothing new,
I thought about you yesterday and days
before that too.

I think of you in silence, I often speak
your name,
All I have are memories and your
picture in a frame.

Your memory is my keepsake, with
which I'll never part.
God has you in His keeping, I have you
in my heart.

Sometimes,

Memories are like rain showers
Sprinkling down upon you
Catching you unaware.
And than they are gone,
Leaving you warm and refreshed.

Sometimes,

Memories are like thunderstorms
Beating down upon you,
Relentless in the downpour.
And then they will cease,
Leaving you tired and bruised.

Sometimes,

Memories are like shadows
Sneaking up behind you,
Following you around
Then they disappear,
Leaving you sad and confused.

Sometimes,

Memories are like comforters
Surrounding you with warmth
Luxuriously abundant
And sometimes they stay,
Wrapping you in contentment.

Marcia Updyke.